Intentionality after Transition
As I reflect on the past year and many changes in my life, I find myself excited and unsure about the future. Unlike other major transitions in my life, college graduation, marriage, birth of children this past year has broken me open from heartache, loss and sorrow. This has left me feeling raw, vulnerable and searching for ways to heal. As I move forward from the initial tenderness of grief I notice a slight uncomfortableness in my skin, anxiety, an itch to change. I realize that through the movement past loss I want to embrace my life with more intention and purpose. What does that look like for me? First of all, I slowed down, way down. A year ago my life was moving at a very hectic pace. I was juggling 4 different work ventures, house and children. I was out socializing, networking, investigating and getting to know everything that I possibly could. And then the first glimpse of loss began and the scale began to tip. My separation became final and I noticed my work was not going as well. Then the tragic, sudden death of my best friend shook me to my core and literally had me on my knees. For those of you who have never experienced grief it is a life changing experience.
After that day everything was pushed aside and only the most vital parts of my life were attended to. I cancelled my appointments, transferred clients and hunkered down with family and friends. That lasted for awhile, until I transitioned back to work. I found that I looked at things differently, with a new set of eyes. No longer was I grasping at everything, trying to be everything to everyone. I DIDN’T want to do it all. Instead I began focusing on what I REALLY want and shedding the rest.
Along with the general slow down, I thought about what I want as my true goals in life. I realized that I only have a certain amount of energy and for me to reach those goals I need to focus on less things. So I started getting rid of what I didn’t truly want, what wasn’t nourishing me. This included some of my side jobs, friends and social obligations. Letting go was a struggle and a blow to my ego. I had always prided myself on being able to do so much. But what was it really getting for me?
So now I slow down, say no more often and let go. It isn’t easy, but I find that as I release that which isn’t truly serving me, other opportunities arise. For now, I want to lead my life with intention. Each decision based on moving closer to my purpose and what is important.